PintSized Alchemy Freak
by Schizophasia
Summary: It’s one of the things that puts a damper on Winry’s visits: she always tries to force the terrible drink on him. Rated for mild profanity and mild violence involving Winry's wrench.


He would have been in an excellent mood, were it not for the glass of milk in front of him.

It's one of the things that puts a damper on Winry's visits: she always tries to force the terrible drink on him. In fact, she's promised to take a wrench to his head if he doesn't finish the milk. Ed hopes her threat wasn't serious, because there's _no way _he can drink that horrible stuff. And she doesn't have a wrench with her anyway…does she?

Edward's evil glare bores into the glass of milk, but his nemesis doesn't even flinch. It sits there (in a very self-satisfied way, Ed will have you know), unaware of or possibly enjoying Ed's frustration.

The image in front of him kaleidoscopes in front of his eyes – a thousand milk glasses now, each one full of the offending liquid. Horrified, he shuts his eyes but he can still see them: a thousand milk glasses, tattooed on the insides of his eyelids. They leer at him; Ed shudders. He can just imagine them calling out to him. _Edward Elric_, they say.

There's only one solution. He concentrates hard; it's been a while since he's utilized his Elric Psychic Powers, and he's out of practice. He closes his eyes so he can think more clearly.

His powers fail him. The milk remains in the glass, not that Ed's surprised. He decides that the best option now is to simply ignore it (and Winry's threat), and proceeds to devour the rest of his lunch. Satisfied, he sets his tray to the side.

Only a few minutes later, Winry returns, Alphonse in tow. Ed grins; he's been doing that a lot recently whenever he sees his brother. She's surprised when she sees the older Elric. He normally spends more time moping about the milk that appears with his breakfast without fail every morning. Her eyes travel suspiciously to the milk glass, which Ed is decidedly not glaring at it today.

"Edward," she hisses.

"What?" he asks, a little defensively. He knows exactly what she's going to say, because she's said it at every other possible opportunity in the exact same tone she's using now. And yet he still pretends he needs her to spell it out for him. "Is there a problem?"

"You didn't finish your milk."

He's glad Al's there in the room with him. Winry seems to yell less when Alphonse is around. For the life of him, he can't understand why.

"I never did drink it before, why should I start now?" Ed mutters.

"How do you expect to grow any taller if you don't drink milk?"

"I'm not short, damnit!" he protests.

"Yes, you are," Winry retorts. "You're a pint-sized alchemy freak who's so short I have trouble hitting him with my wrench because his head's too close to the ground."

Furious, Ed splutters random insults, and Winry and Al laugh at him. This irks him more than anything she's said so far. Why is Al taking Winry's side? "You know," he grumbles at Winry, "nobody said you _had_ to come to Central. It's not as if you have any automail to repair here." And he tacks on a "you machine freak" at the end for good measure.

It's Winry's turn to get angry. "Fine," she says huffily. "See if I ever come see you when you're in the hospital again." She storms out, and the following silence lasts several seconds before Ed turns to his brother.

"Al?" he pleads beseechingly.

"Just drink it, Nii-san, and get it over with." Al's stubborn, but Ed keeps at it and finally Al relents.

Alphonse sighs and crosses the room to his brother's side. "Fine, but you really should just drink it yourself. Milk is good for you," he reproaches ("Not you, too," Ed mutters), and then he drains Ed's previously untouched glass of milk. He makes it look so simple. "It isn't that bad, Nii-san."

"Yeah, but you'll eat or drink absolutely anything if it sits still long enough, if I remember correctly," Ed shoots back, "so I can't trust _your_ judgment."

"I do _not_," Al complains.

Ed raises one eyebrow. "Is there anything you _don't_ like to eat?"

Alphonse's expression turns pensive. He's wracking his brains for an answer that will satisfy his brother (and that isn't a lie) and he can't come up with one.

"I thought so."

* * *

Winry keeps true to her promise, and when she returns she's wielding her wrench dangerously. Ed grimaces when she spies the now empty glass of milk in Al's hand.

"Alphonse!" she screeches. "You drank Ed's milk!" She throws her wrench at Ed's head.

"WINRY!" he shouts in retaliation. "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?"

Winry retrieves her wrench and begins to whack Ed repeatedly. "You gave your milk to Al," she accuses. "_You _were supposed to drink it!"

"Winry! Stop!" Ed protests. "Why don't you attack Al for a change? You used to throw stuff at him all the time!"

"Nii-san, you're terrible!" Al says indignantly.

Winry won't turn her wrath on Al, even though he's equally guilty and they all know it. She hasn't attacked him once since he got his body back. Which is a good thing: if she laid a finger on him, she'd suffer dearly for it.

Somehow, though, he never manages to work up that much fury when she lights into him.

* * *

**…No stories for three months. I'M SORRY!!!!!!!**

**This started out as a crackfic focusing on Ed's "telepathic abilities" from chapter 51. But then it evolved, and I like it better now (I can't write good crackfics).**

**Reviews, as always, are appreciated.**


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